My daughter Baldwin is on her way over for a Mother’s Day visit. I took a shower, put on something other than jeans and put on a little makeup. We don’t have any plans to go anywhere special, we might just stay home, but I’m excited to see her and want to look nice. I’m always excited to see her. I enjoy her company and having her in the house completes our family. She adds life to the house.
About a month ago my friend Eleanore asked me what I was doing on a Saturday night. I told her what Baldwin was doing. Eleanore said, “And what are you doing?” I hadn’t realized that I had not answered her question.
Often I have conversations with mothers where long minutes are spent revealing the life details of their grown or almost grown children. I have been guilty of this too, although I try hard not to be and I always ask after other peoples’ children. News flash mothers: when someone asks about you and yours you should always return the question.
I’ve tried to balance having a life that is not consumed by my children. I work at thinking, planning what my husband and I will do with ourselves once they are grown and completely gone (my girl is almost there). I don’t want to make my kids feel guilty about visiting me. Even this Mother’s Day, when Baldwin is at college and only a short train, subway and bus ride away, I resisted pressing her about when she was arriving home. I want my kids to want to spend time with me and I want them to have a life with friends. I know that this attitude with be challenged as they move farther away. Ford had a baseball game this morning. When he’s in college, who knows what kind of plans could prevent him from seeing me on the Hallmark holidays.
Having close girlfriends as I do, I like to think, keeps me from veering into the obsessive about my kids category. When your desire to see them, trumps theirs, there’s a problem; but there is a thin line between upholding some family togetherness, which sometimes can get lost with a gentle reminder that mom and dad are over here.
I hear Baldwin’s voice. She just got home…
Happy Mother’s Day
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